The Difference A Few Days Make

It is amazing how quickly I have recovered from surgery. For the first 3 or 4 days post-surgery it really did suck. There was very little that I could do for myself. I needed help to get changed, reach for things and even stand up from laying down. Luckily I had lots of great "nurses" around to help me. My mom has been great, looking after me, making sure I have been doing my exercises. Stephen also provided a lot of support, helping me in numerous ways and hanging out to help keep me entertained. The best thing I have gotten from Wes in this experience is acceptance of my new body. A while back I met a woman who had one breast removed and I remember her saying that her husband still two years post-surgery did not want to see her chest. I just thought this was so horrible. I mean you are going through something hugely traumatic and then to made to feel that you need to hide your body, like it is something hideous would only add to this difficult experience. Wes was right in there helping me empty my drains, helping me dress in the morning. I think I was a bit nervous the first time he saw my new chest, but he immediately put me at ease as he almost seemed shocked by how little of a difference it made. He has told me numerous times that it doesn't make any difference at all, and still tells me I am just as beautiful. Sometimes it almost feels like "we" have cancer and this is happening to both of us and we are fighting it together. This has made me feel so much more comfortable with my new body. I was very worried about my self esteem post-surgery and yes I am not quite at a place where I feel as confident physically as before, but it is nowhere near as hard and I thought it would be. I can look in the mirror and really think things don't look that bad or unattractive, and I think I have the accepting people in my life to thank for this. It almost feels liberating in a way that I am hardly affected by the loss of my breasts. Today there are countless women (and men) out there who put such huge importance on this part of the female body. Women go through major surgery that has huge risks in order to just enlarge their breasts. It makes me feel very strong that I don't feel influenced by this aspect of society at all. Women like me can still be beautiful without breasts!

After I got over those first few bad days and then had my horrible drains taken out a week after the surgery I have felt almost like my normals self. I am driving again, meeting up with great friends for coffee/lunches and getting out doing things with mom. If only the weather was a little better so we could do more activities outside. There is still a bit of stress as I wait to find out results of a few test, including the pathology report from my surgery. This is very important as it will show how much cancer was still left in my body after chemo. The best news I could possibly get is that my breast tumour was shrunk down to only scar tissue and that the lymph nodes that were once cancerous were now cancer-free. This is the best case scenario and what I try to visualize every night when I am laying in bed. I picture these black evil spot on my breast, under my arm in lymph nodes and in my sternum and then I imagine them getting squished, shrinking and chiseled away until they are non existent. Feel free to give it a try as well. Who knows what can happen if we all put our minds towards a common goal!