Newfoundland

Writing about my week in Newfoundland has been on my mind since I got back almost a week ago. The reason I haven't has nothing to do with being busy, but more because I am still processing everything and figuring out everything that happened last week. I guess to start off I will say that I didn't really know what to expect from a "cancer conference" and I didn't really realize how difficult this experience would be. I thought I would meet new people, hear about their experiences and hear what a few experts had to say. I did not expect all emotional stuff that would come with this experience. Since my surgery more than two months ago I have tried really hard to savour my good test results and have tried my hardest to not have cancer be the centre of my universe (instead of thinking about it every minute, I could sometimes go two or three minutes without thinking about it). So I went from trying very hard not to think about it, to spending an entire weekend talking, learning and thinking about it... this was not easy. What was also difficult was meeting people who were not doing very well. It is horrible of me, but meeting these people really scared me, and while it shouldn't have been about me, all I could think about was whether this was going to be me as well. It was also difficult to hear about people who had attended the conference last year and who have since died. I kept thinking if some day I would be the person who was no longer there, and what memories people who have of me. All of these things were extremely tough, and have had me lost in my head since I have returned. I don't want to make it sound like the conference was a bad experience....because it wasn't. It made me think about a lot of things, while scary, were probably good things to consider and think about...it was just really tough. I am sure that very soon I will look back at that week and say it was an amazing experience, once I have processed everything. I can already recognize many wonderful things that came from the conference. I met lots of really amazing people who have beaten cancer and are doing amazing, fulfilling things with their lives. I met some awesome girls who have been through breast cancer and could give me advice on all kinds of things, including tips on my new body :) I also go to meet Dawn, a great girl who now lives in Quebec, who I had been emailing and chatting with since the beginning. Dawn and I were roommates and the conference and I was just amazed by her attitude, generosity and the fight she has inside of her. The information learned at the conference was also very helpful and I left with many ideas of what I could do to take charge of things a bit more. So I really hope I didn't make it sound negative, because it really wasn't, it was just difficult, but in a good way :)