Staying Positive

I have noticed a definite trend in my three week chemo cycle. About 4 days after I have chemo I get quite down and depressed. This is also the period where I am no longer taking the medications/steroids they give you after chemo. Coincidence, I think not. So now that I recognize that it is the meds that are making me feel this way, I should be able to quickly snap out of it right? I wish it was that easy, but days like today it just seems like being positive is impossible. I want to just snap out of it and put the horrible thoughts that are going through my head away, but it is very difficult when you can barely even force a smile. It has also been a difficult couple of days for the people around me. I am not always the easiest person to deal with when I am really down. Last night I made the mistake of sharing a few of my really horrible thoughts with Wes. I guess I figured that it was better to share these thoughts than just keep them to myself. Sometimes he has difficulties knowing what to do when I am this way. He is so used to telling me that I will be okay, that I am fighting, so when I get to this dark place I think he doesn't know what to do. I really wish I could always be positive, especially around him, but sometimes it feels like too much effort, but then I get worried that if I don't snap out of it around him he will decide to bail, because lets face it, it's not fun being around someone who forgets how to smile and stares at the wall for hours on end. I am going to try really hard to be happy and positive for the rest of the afternoon/evening, so the whole day is not ruined. I apologize for those of you reading this...it must be pretty depressing. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will snap out of it soon, so no worries. Also, tomorrow we are off to BC for a while. This should be really good for me, getting out of the city and all the reminders of sickness. By tomorrow night we should be in sunny Kelowna and then Vancouver by Tuesday....lots of look forward to :)