The End of Chemo

This Wednesday will be chemo #6...my final chemo. Every time I tell people that it is the final one they say I must be really excited, but for some reason I'm not really feeling it. Perhaps it is because there is still so much else that has to be done (surgery and then radiation) so I'm not really feeling like this is the end of treatment. Also it could be because I still have to deal with having chemo one more time and this sucks. I know that by Sunday and Monday I will be back to laying on the couch staring at walls. I now recognize what these chemicals are doing to my head and how usually I have to put up with a few days of being depressed. The other reason I don't really feel excited to be almost finished chemo is because the thought of it being finished really scares me. Before I knew I had cancer my body was doing a pretty crappy job of protecting itself against these evil cells (even though I felt so healthy!). With the help of the chemo drugs it has been able to fight it off, though not all of it (this is what the radiation is for...cleaning up the leftovers). But I am worried about how things will go when it is back to just my body doing the fighting. A couple of cancer survivors have told me that while I am on chemo it is almost like you can relax, as you know things aren't getting worse, you are safe for a little while. After chemo is over I am no longer safe. It is then test time for my body....can it stand up for itself this time, or does it do what it did before, and let the cancer call all the shots. I am not really sure what happens if these treatments aren't enough. I am sure there is more chemo that can be taken, but this can only happen for so long, eventually it will be up to my own body to either do the work, or else.