The Shock

Yesterday I was told that I have breast cancer. You always wonder how you would react at that exact moment when those words are spoken "it's cancer". My first thought was that this is a pretty shitty joke for this doctor to be making. After a couple seconds and just looking at his face I knew that it wasn't a joke. Never in a million years did I think this would happen to me at the age of 27. With my mother being diagnosed less than a year ago with ovarian cancer I guess I knew that there was a high likelihood that someday I might go through something similar....maybe in my 50's as well.....not in my 20's.

I found a lump in my breast back in November. I was stupid and didn't get it checked out until January. When I got it checked out they informed me it is very common for women my age to have lumps or cysts in their breasts. The doctor thought it was nothing really to worry about, but if I wanted I could have an ultrasound to confirm. I said I wanted the ultrasound. After the ultrasound I went back to the doctor. She told me the results were that it was something called a fibroid...nothing serious to worry about. She said I should have it checked out in another 6 months. She also said that if I wanted she could refer me to a specialist just to confirm. I said I wanted to see the specialist anyways. When I met with Dr. Austen at the Breast Clinic at the Foothills Hospital he said the same thing...it was a fibroid but I had options. I could have it removed if it was bothering me, we could just monitor it to see if it changes or I could have a biopsy just to know exactly what it was. I opted to have a biopsy so that I could be completely certain. Yesterday was the day I got the biopsy results. Dr. Austen and the nurse said they were shocked. They had never thought it was cancer for a minute. I am not angry that everyone told me it was nothing...I guess you just never know. But I am very thankful that I didn't just take everyone's word that it was nothing...as clearly it is not.

When I was sitting in the doctor's office for a moment it hit me that I have no family in Calgary....essentially I am alone. In the past 24 hours I have realized that I am nowhere close to being alone. I have only told a couple people but the support that I feel and have is amazing. I realize that I have some amazing friends in my life...I hope they all know how amazing they are. One of the hardest things was calling and telling my mom. She has just gone back to work after her ordeal and I didn't know how she would deal with this happening to her daughter as well. Within 12 hours she was on a plane from Toronto to Calgary. I know that I am so lucky to have her, as well as all the other amazing and supportive people that I have in my life. I knew I had good friends but I really had no idea just how amazing they really are.

Tomorrow I go back to see Dr. Austen at the breast clinic. I really know nothing about this cancer and tomorrow is the day I find out more details and hear what my options are. I guess I am scared, probably I am still in shock, but for some reason I feel good about all this. I want to live...I will not let vanity or anything else stand in my way of doing anything that is necessary and will save my life. I can do this.