Chemo #4

Today was #4. So far I am feeling just like I had the last 3 time. A little tired, not really hungry, but feeling overall quite good. Wes went with me again this time, not the most exciting way for either of us to spend the morning, but it is nice not to be alone for sure...he is good company...makes me laugh with his corny jokes.

Last night I felt like I should have been celebrating my good news, but for some strange reason was feeling low and had a few pity moments. The worst I was laying in bed last night thinking about how I want to grow old (wrinkles, gray hair, fat... bring it on!) and how I want to have a family. I was thinking about how Wes would probably still get to do all that stuff, perhaps with someone else...but the odds are not in my favour. When he asked me why I was crying and I told him he said that he didn't want to do that with anyone else, he wanted that with me. That made me cry even more. Like I have said before, if having cancer was just about the physical battle this would be a breeze. I try to be positive, but sometimes it seems impossible to. I just have to keep reminding myself that things are getting better. Everyone says that the worst part about having cancer is the first few months....things will settle down soon hopefully.